The Reality of Fertility Treatments: More Than Just A Doctor’s Appointment

Going through treatments involves a lot more than just visiting the doctor and taking medication. I think people know about the physical aspect of going through IUIs or IVF but the mental aspect is often boiled down to just “being sad.” And while yes, we are sad, it’s a lot more complicated than that! 

Not only are you exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. But your entire daily life is thrown off. 

• It starts with a year or longer of constant disappointment. Whether it’s negative tests or pregnancy loss, the year leading up to your actual fertility treatments is absolute torture. 
• Having to miss family functions. You really aren’t given much of a choice when scheduling doctor’s appointments, you are at the mercy of the doctor, your cycle, and how your body is taking the medications you’re on. Oftentimes you’re having to miss all sorts of family events. Over the past several months, I’ve missed birthday parties, showers, and a funeral. 
• Spending multiple days a week at the clinic. The fertility clinic becomes a regularly visited spot. When we were trying to get pregnant with my son I spent at least 3 hours round trip in the car multiple times a week to visit the clinic. This time, I still have multiple appointments a week, and every couple weeks travel to San Diego to the clinic’s other location. 
• Constantly being poked. Whether it’s a blood test or an intravaginal ultrasound, you’re having something done to you every few days. 
• Having a long list of activities you CAN’T do. No exercising, no heavy lifting, no submerging yourself in water, the list goes on. 
• Being unable to plan your personal life. You really need to be available at the drop of a hat. During treatment you have frequent monitoring and between treatments you’re just waiting for the nurses to give you your next appointments 
• You are extremely hormonal, tired, sick, etc. But don’t worry, it’s not because you’re pregnant…so that’s fun. 
• Taking daily medication. While everyone’s medications and experiences are different, you can pretty much always count on needing some sort of oral meds and some sort of shot. For my IUIs I was taking 2 oral pills a day for 5 days and then did a trigger shot. This was per IUI and we did that 4 times. For IVF, I prepped with oral medication for a couple weeks and then did 3 shots a day for 13 days and then 2 trigger shots. And now waiting for our transfer, I’ll be taking oral medication and then reintroducing daily shots with the potential of doing that for the next 12 weeks.  
• Introducing multiple daily vitamins and supplements to your routine. Different doctors might suggest different vitamins and supplements. But the document I received from my doctor suggested adding 4 vitamins to my daily routine. And then obviously you’re already taking prenatals. (Which, if you didn’t know you SHOULD be taking them for an entire year before your pregnancy.)
• You’re gaining weight and have a lot of bloating! Of course, every BODY is different but I think it’s fair to say that going through these treatments can often cause weight gain and lots of uncomfortable bloating. 
• Watching someone have an entire pregnancy while you’re still doing treatments. Or for some, watching someone else’s baby grow up…wondering when it will be your turn… 
• Having a love/hate relationship with your period. One minute you’re hoping you don’t get your period…and the next, you’re hoping your period comes soon so you can start another round. 
• Paying $$$$ on $$$ on $$! If you didn’t already know IUIs can be thousands of dollars and IVF is tens of thousands of dollars….that’s not even including the thousands you’ll spend on medication. 
• Being literally unable to “plan your pregnancy.” Now this one’s a little complicated because to be fair, even when trying “naturally”, this is never actually true. But I find more often than not if you say you planned your pregnancy, you got pregnant “naturally.” Some women wake up one day and decide they want to get pregnant and within a few months they are. With fertility treatments, even if you call the clinic that day, it’s most likely going to be a long journey. For context, with our son, I called the clinic in December and we were pregnant in May and this time I called the clinic in May and it’s February and we still aren’t pregnant. 
• And lastly…this one’s a little personal to me and my experience this time, but it was a difficult thing to deal with. Struggling to hold and pick up my son. Between the soreness from the shots and the heaviness I felt from my enlarged ovaries, I needed a lot of help with my son. It was hard when he just wanted mama and I’m grateful this part didn’t last too long. 

So, with all of these things going on, it’s a lot… 

If you, yourself are going through this – you’ve got this! It’s temporary and purposeful. Take breaks as needed and I hope you have someone who is there to unconditionally support you. 

If you know someone going through this – be gentle, be kind, and be patient. This is something they might have to do for months on end, just be there for them in whatever way they want.